How do you choose a therapist?
That's a question with many answers - all of them valid.
I suggest your gut instinct might provide the best answer to the questions: do I feel heard by them? Do I trust them? Could I laugh with them? Cry with them? Do they 'get' me?
This last one is interesting: the temptation might be to find a therapist that looks and sounds like you, and yes, that can help build a connection between you. But sometimes, finding someone whose frame of reference is a bit different from yours can be stimulating and lead to solutions and ideas you wouldn't have considered otherwise. Keeping your options open while you are considering is a positive stance.
It's okay to find two or three therapists and interview them - have a session with each of them and let them know you are in the process of choosing; they will be okay with that. By paying for a session or two, you will have a sense of how regularly working with them will be - a fifteen-minute chat with someone you quite like, does not give you the same information.
There will be practical considerations such as accessibility and location, but these issues are less critical in this post-pandemic world. We have all been surprised to discover that high-quality connection, and so therapy, can still happen on Zoom!
All reputable therapists will let you know that while therapy is confidential, there are exceptions. We are legally obliged to inform the Police if we believe you are involved in terrorism, money laundering, or harming or endangering a child or vulnerable adult.
Sometimes, when we embark on something as momentous as entering therapy, we might feel so excited that we tell those around us of our plans - can I offer you a word of caution? Perhaps pause and consider this further. By telling people, it can appear that you are permitting them to ask how therapy is going, yet there will be times when you won't want to say. Your nearest and dearest may be concerned that you will be speaking about them and feel anxious. I suggest that if you're going to tell someone that you are in therapy, choose someone a solid, trustworthy friend who can keep your confidence and respect your privacy with love, patience and kindness.
A therapeutic relationship is not the same as a friendship. We provide a very different function: because we are not in your close circle of friends and family, we do not start by assuming we know what your history is, what you think and feel, or about the other participants in your story. A therapeutic relationship is a safe space to explore your values and to think, try on new ideas, consider your patterns of thought and behaviour, secure in the knowledge that you won't have to look at your therapist every day at breakfast! We will ask questions to understand you and your experience better, and in the process, you may be surprised by your answers. The therapist will bring their training, knowledge, and skill to assist you in working on whatever you have identified as the central topic in your life at that time. Yes, you will likely discover other things that you may want to explore, but together, you will identify a clear idea, a Contract, that will be your focus for therapy. Therapy is a co-creative endeavour: you are partners in your journey of healing and self-discovery.
We are on your team; we are invested in you, which means you can consider who you are and what is important to you without preconceived cultural ideas of how things 'should' be, how you 'must' be.
Who will a therapist not see? Well, family or close friends would be a 'no', but a more distant connection would be okay. If you already know a therapist but don't want to go with them because your relationship is too close, you can ask them to recommend a colleague or take a look at the suggestions below.
Many people call themselves 'therapists', but not all therapists are equal.
It's okay to ask the therapists you interview some questions about their type of therapy. Does it have a recognised organisation and training program, what professional bodies they are affiliated to, their qualifications or stage of training, do they receive professional Supervision, and how much personal therapy have they completed? After all, how can someone help you sort out the muddle in your head if they have made little progress working out the jumble in their own?
I am training in Psychotherapy at Transactional Analysis Cymru, working at a Level 7 standard, Post-grad MA level. I have had well over two years of weekly personal therapy to date. Ongoing personal therapy is standard Practice for Transactional Analysts; we are also required to have regular Supervision to ensure our Practice is of a high professional standard, ensuring you get a high-quality service.
Trainee Counsellors and Psychotherapists are highly trained and closely Supervised to ensure that we work to a high standard and within our skill level, and so are great value for money! All have passed their exam to be allowed to enter Clinical Practice. It's a win, win: Clinical excellence and affordable!
So, where do you find these therapists to interview? I have three suggestions for you:
1) Word of mouth, it's interesting how often a snippet of information gets dropped in conversation - just enough for an effective Google search. So keep your ears open...
2) Search the Counselling Directory. Qualified bonafide therapists will be registered and can be searched for by location.
3) I heartily recommend this one: Affordable Counselling
On this link, you will meet my colleagues at my training school, Transactional Analysis Cymru. I know them to be excellent therapists and a fine body of people. So if you are a relative of mine or my best buddy, this is where I would encourage you to look. However, if you are not, feel free to contact me! You are very welcome to book a session. Use the Contact button at the top of this page.
I am looking forward to meeting you.
